Unfortunately, not all relationships last. There are always a lot of different issues and reasons why people break up, and a lot of reasons can be pretty complex. If you have just gone through a break-up, or you’ve experienced this a while ago but still haven’t got over it, now is a great time to heal and feel well within yourself. Healing doesn’t necessarily have to be due to wanting to date again; you may need to recover just for yourself and yourself only. Depending on the circumstances, a lot can be said and done that warrants a special time for healing and growth.
Healing After Narcissistic Abuse or Trauma
While there is a lot that can be said about narcissism and abuse, it’s important to first note that if you are experiencing depression and/or anxiety as a result of your past relationship, it’s always advisable to seek help from your doctor or a therapist. They will be better suited to help you after your experiences.
On a general note, it’s easy to run through the things that a past partner has said to you and reflect upon them as facts. Depending on what they have said, it may be easier to feel like a lot of problems in the relationship were your fault or that you were the issue and why the relationship didn’t work out.
A part of healing involves self-reflection and self-care as a starting point. Taking care of your body and your mental health is crucial to healing. Start off small with intentional acts of self-care such as a warm bath with essential oils, creating a song playlist to listen to while you’re relaxing or working and even just going outside for half an hour a day for a light walk. All of these things will help you to feel better on the inside to help you recover and heal.
Take Time Out
Emotions can be intense at the best of times. After a breakup, they can feel even more elevated and harder to control. Your feelings are yours to feel and there’s certainly nothing wrong with how you feel. You have to take time out and let yourself feel what you need to feel. There’s no right or wrong way with dealing with your feelings after a breakup.
The only thing to consider is if your feelings lead to self-sabotaging actions such as drinking, taking drugs or gambling. Whilst these things may feel like they help you to forget about the breakup and how you’re feeling, these actions won’t help you in the long run. Instead, give yourself time to grieve and feel sad, angry, empty, depressed… whatever it is you feel.
Create a supportive network
It can be hard after a breakup to lean on friends, especially if the majority of your friends during your relationship are mutual friends with your ex-partner. You may not feel like you have any friends anymore or that you’re feeling a lot more alone. This is where finding supports is a good idea.
Perhaps you have some colleagues at work who you’ve been meaning to catch up with after a shift. Or, you may have been putting off that dinner with your parents. Whoever it is, ensure they are supportive of your needs and wants as a supportive network and get to know some new people. We’re not suggesting downloading Tinder (just yet!), but some local social groups may also be a good idea. Haven’t worked on your hobby for a while? Maybe now is a good time to get back into it.
After all of this work on yourself and trying to heal, the last thing you want to do is go plummeting backwards to an ex, especially if the break-up was harmful to you in any way. You may find after some time, your ex will try to contact you, apologise or try to rekindle the relationship. As much as you may want to give them another chance, it may be best to leave them in the past.
Depending on the circumstances and the reasons why you broke up, the breakup may have been what you needed. There’s nothing wrong with letting go of toxic relationships and if that leads to a separation or divorce, it is ok. Your needs and your self-worth are never worth letting go of purely to stay in a relationship. Set boundaries for yourself and if that means blocking them on social media, blocking their phone number or ensuring they don’t visit your home (or whatever boundary you want to put in place), make sure you stick to them.
Breakups can be hard, especially a breakdown of a marriage or a partnership you’ve been in for many years. It can be a scary ride to navigate and feel wrong to let go of someone who has been in your life for a while. The important thing to remember is how you feel, what your needs are and if they’re met with this person. If you’re experiencing abuse or painful experiences, this is something you should never have to endure for the sake of “love”. If you need help or guidance after a breakup, always have a chat with your doctor who may refer you to a therapist or psychologist for more assistance through this time.