One of the hardest things you can face in life is separation and divorce, regardless of the circumstances surrounding it. Many people go through it each day with the divorce rate in Australia at 1.9 per 1,000 residents. Whether you’ve been married a year or 20 years, divorce is a difficult experience to get through.
Understanding Your Feelings
One of the first things to consider is how you feel during this time. It’s important to understand what you’re going through and help yourself to navigate the plethora of feelings you may be going through. Divorce can put you on an emotional rollercoaster, so it’s best to reflect on these feelings and ensure you can guide yourself through them; either alone or with the support of a therapist.
Losing a relationship can be quite painful. Your feelings and emotions may range from sadness, and grief through to anger or even, elation or relief. To better understand your experience and get through this time in your life, there are a few things you can focus on to help yourself out.
Establish boundaries
Depending on your circumstances, you may need to address some boundaries to protect yourself from more hurt. You may need to limit contact with your ex or limit time together. Or, your boundaries may consist of removing yourself from social media or staying away from certain people. Now is a good time to get an idea of what will help you to get through this divorce and how to establish new boundaries.
Take it easy
One thing that many people do when they go through a divorce or separation is to take a lot of that stress and put it on themselves. Now is not the time to blame yourself for what could have happened. Instead, you need to give yourself the time to deal with this life change and take it easy on yourself.
Expressing a negative emotion or feeling toward yourself at this time isn’t going to help the situation and it certainly isn’t going to help yourself. Right now, you need support and time to heal and the first thing to do is to be kind to yourself.
Give yourself time
There is no right or wrong way to go through a divorce. For many, going through a divorce is a type of grief process. As mentioned previously, the time that you spent with your partner doesn’t make it any less painful of an experience, either.
Give yourself time to get through the divorce. But, it’s important to remember that you don’t want to spend too much time dwelling on the past. Your end goal is to heal and move forward. Bear that in mind while you are recovering and if your actions aren’t working towards that goal, it’s time to re-evaluate and work on improving your situation.
Look after your physical health
It may be tempting to indulge in some unhealthy habits during this time, but keeping up with a routine and healthy habits can give you a sense of normalcy. One way to view it is to consider looking after yourself as if you are getting over an illness or the flu. In that situation you would ensure you had enough fluids, were getting enough rest and eating properly to keep your energy levels up. The same should cross your mind when going through your divorce.
Granted, there may be a night or two where you have a few too many drinks to try and “numb” the pain. But, with your ultimate goal in mind of healing and growth, be sure to look after yourself, instead.
Grow your network and get support
If your social life declined when you were married, now is a good time to catch up with old friends, make new ones or simply get out and enjoy your own company. Friends and work colleagues may be a good support network as you go through the divorce. They can help to improve your social connections, lend you an ear to chat to or simply help you to get out of your head.
For times that you feel like you’re struggling a little too much and need some further support beyond your friendships, seek the advice of a qualified therapist. They’ll be able to help you to navigate through those rough patches and help you from an experienced and knowledgeable background.
If you’d like some free advice from our growing Facebook community and our licenced and experienced therapists, be sure to check out our Facebook group: Real Relationships.