How to talk about sex with your partner

You and your partner are in a happy and healthy relationship. You love each other, you're sexually attracted to one another, and you enjoy spending time together. So why do so many people find the topic of sex so awkward? The truth is that there's no need for it to be awkward—communication around sex can be simple if both parties are willing to put in some effort.

Don't wait for the perfect moment to bring it up.

Talk about sex with your partner. It might seem intimidating, but it's actually not that hard. Soften the mood by turning off the lights, making sure you're both relaxed and sober (no alcohol), and keep in mind that there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking this path!

If you're still feeling nervous about bringing up the topic for whatever reason—whether because of your inexperience or because of what other people have told you—you can always start slow by talking about it in general terms first. You don't need to jump into specifics right away; just get used to being comfortable having conversations about sex together so that when one day comes when things heat up between you two, it won't feel foreign or uncomfortable anymore.

Prepare a little before you start the conversation.

Before starting, make sure you're in a good mood and that you've thought about what you want to say and how you want to say it. If necessary, write down some points you want to make so that the conversation is more organised. Get together any information about STIs or birth control that might be helpful for your partner and have it available during the conversation (if it's already on hand).

Think about how your partner may respond, too—especially if they are not open-minded or supportive of sex positivity. You might even come up with some responses ahead of time or have a pre-written letter for them that explains why this is something important for both of you as partners in an intimate relationship.

Pick the right time.

The time of day you choose to talk about sex should be when both you and your partner are not distracted or tired. You also need a little privacy, so if you’re in an apartment building, or dorm room or share your home with others, plan ahead of time where the best place to have this conversation is going to be.

Think about what kind of moods each person will be in at this time too—is one feeling more on edge than they usually are? Pick a date night or just ask them how their day went before asking about any potential problems within the bedroom (if there are any).

Try not to get defensive.

Don't take it personally. It's OK to get defensive, but you should remember that the other person isn't attacking you—they're just sharing their thoughts and opinions.

Don't try to change their mind. If there are things that bother you about your partner's suggestions, bring them up in a calm manner so you can talk about them later on (if at all).

Don't try to convince each other that one of you is right or wrong. This kind of back-and-forth can go on forever, but it doesn't serve any purpose except for causing frustration and souring the mood between partners who were getting along fine before they started discussing sex!

Set aside enough time.

The first step to talking about sex with your partner is setting aside enough time for the conversation. This can be a lot of work, but it's worth it: you want to make sure that you're not trying to talk about sex when there are other people around or while someone is waiting in line behind you at the grocery store. If there are distractions in your environment, they could cause you and your partner to miss important points or get distracted by something else entirely.

If possible, try setting up an appointment with each other so no one feels rushed or pressured into having this conversation at an inconvenient time for them. If this isn't possible for whatever reason—for example, because both of you work full-time and varying hours —then try scheduling it at night when both parties are most relaxed (or even during the weekend if neither of the two partners works on weekends).

Another option is handling communication digitally instead of physically; if this sounds more appealing to either person involved in this discussion then consider using text messaging apps like Facebook Messenger instead of calling each other on phones directly!

Don't try to make it a one-time conversation.

You shouldn’t try to make this a one-time conversation. Don’t be afraid to bring it up again if the first time doesn’t go well, and don't be afraid to say the same thing over and over again until you feel heard. It might take a while for your partner to get used to hearing what you have to say; just keep at it until they do!

Be willing to compromise.

Compromise is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, and it's even more important when you're discussing sex. You have to be willing to give a little so your partner can have what he or she wants, too.

However, that doesn't mean you should let yourself get taken advantage of—in other words, don't let him or her walk all over you just because they want something. Also, it's not always a good idea to give up everything in order to keep the peace and make sure your partner is happy all the time; if things aren't working out between the two of you and compromise isn't doing much good anymore, then maybe it's time for both parties to start looking elsewhere for their sexual fix!

Being clear and honest about what you want will help keep your intimate relationship strong and healthy

Be careful not to think that this means you should tell your partner everything you are thinking, though. It's easy to assume that being open with each other is always going to make things better, but in some situations, it might not be a good idea. Asking for help from professionals who can guide the conversation could be more productive than trying to have an open discussion when emotions run high.

Hopefully, we have given you some helpful tips for how to talk about sex with your partner. We know it can be awkward and even scary at first, but don’t worry—if you keep at it and practice these steps over time, it will get easier. And remember that even if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly well the first time around, just keep experimenting until you find the right method that works best for both of you!

The Basics Of Polyamory For Beginners

Polyamory is a non-monogamous relationship style in which people have multiple romantic partners. Polyamory can involve one person in multiple relationships with other people or it can involve several people who are all connected by their feelings for each other but don't necessarily want to be romantically involved with each other. The word “polyamory” comes from Greek roots meaning “many loves,” and it involves consensual arrangements between all parties involved.

Polyamory for beginners

Polyamory is often considered taboo or unconventional, even though there have been many polyamorous couples throughout history. But what exactly does it mean to be poly? Is it cheating? Can anyone be poly? Here's everything you need to know about practising this unconventional relationship style!

What is polyamory?

Polyamory, which is often shortened to “poly,” is defined as the practice of engaging in multiple romantic relationships simultaneously with the consent and knowledge of all parties. Polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic relationships simultaneously with the consent and understanding of all parties involved.

While many people think of polyamory as an extension of swinging or open relationships (which are non-monogamous by definition), this is not true. Practitioners of polyamory believe that there should be no hierarchy between partners; polyamorous people tend to seek to create a relationship structure that involves multiple partners but does not prioritise one person over another.

Polyamory is not cheating

Polyamorous people are often accused of being cheaters and liars, but polyamory is not cheating. Polyamory relationships tend to be more communicative than monogamous ones.

Dating multiple people consensually is not the same as having an affair. Poly relationships require more honesty than monogamous ones because there are no secrets! If you’re in a poly relationship, you should always be open about your other relationships with your partner(s).

People who practice polyamory or ethical non-monogamy will often be very honest about their feelings with their partner. They are not out to hurt their partner when telling a partner they are in love with someone else. Something that many polyamorous couples experience is a phenomenon called “compersion”. If a partner of a primary is told that the new person they’re seeing is great, they’ve been having a good time and their latest date went overwhelmingly great, the primary partner may feel compersion for their partner. This is the feeling of participation in the happiness of others. Honesty is key to building strong bonds which leads us directly to our next point...

Polyamory does not mean you have sex with everyone

One of the big misconceptions about polyamory is that it means you have sex with multiple people. While some poly relationships do involve sex, it is not a requirement. Polyamory allows for deep emotional connections between people while respecting their boundaries and desires, which can be expressed in any way they like, including by having sex!

Polyamorous relationships may look different depending on who's involved and what they're seeking out of each relationship. Some couples look for connections and friendships with others that may lead to a sexual relationship while others may bond with someone with the same interests that their partner isn’t too keen on. There's no one way to do it; whatever works for those involved is what makes up their unique configuration of love and commitment!

Polyamory is different for everyone.

Polyamory is a relationship style. It’s a choice to love more than one person at a time, and those relationships can be different from what you may be used to, but that doesn’t make them any less valid.

Polyamory is all about being open and honest about your feelings for others and allowing people in on your relationships. It allows you to get close with people without feeling like you’re compromising or giving up something significant for them to become part of your life.

Monogamy isn't right for everyone

Just as polyamory isn’t for everyone, neither is monogamy. If you're someone who wants to date more than one person at a time, polyamory might be the way to go. But, it’s important to be communicative and have the consent of all involved parties.

Polyamorous people can bring different things to their relationship(s), which may or may not include sexual intimacy. It's all about what your style is, how comfortable you feel doing it, and how much communication goes into setting up your boundaries around dating decisions (and everything else).

You can have a primary partner and secondary partners

Polyamory may include

• A primary partner is a person you live with, who is your lover and/or friend.

• Secondary partners, are usually people you see on the weekends. They can be friends or lovers, but they aren't living with you.

• Some polyamorous people identify as solo poly — meaning they don't consider their partners as primaries or secondaries but rather as equals in their relationships.

Solo poly people may have multiple partners, but they do not have a primary/secondary relationship with any of them. They might, for example, have one close relationship who is also dating other people and isn't his or her primary partner. In this case, he or she would still be considered solo poly because the two are not in a primary/secondary relationship with each other.

Polyamory isn't always going to be easy

It's a good idea to remember that polyamory doesn't always mean rainbows and butterflies. It can be difficult, stressful, and frustrating at times. Sometimes you'll be jealous of a partner's other partners or they'll be jealous of yours. Sometimes you'll have conflicts with the people your partner is seeing or sleeping with. Sometimes you'll feel guilty about being in love with someone else while still being committed to another person (or group).

Polyamory isn't for everyone. And as we discussed above, some people are more suited for monogamy than others. But if it does work for you and your partner(s), many benefits come from having multiple romantic relationships at once:

• You may have more sex!

• You have more love in your life

• Your other partners will often make an effort to respect your relationship with their significant others; this means less drama between all parties involved!

Not everyone can do polyamory — and that's OK!

It's important to note that not everyone can do polyamory. A lot of people are monogamous by nature (or at least have a preference for one partner), so if you're not comfortable with the idea of multiple partners or feel like you'd be unable to make sure everyone involved is happy, don't force yourself into a situation where you might end up hurting someone else.

But if the concept doesn't scare you, that's great! There are plenty of benefits to being in a polyamorous relationship. It is crucial when beginning this journey that all participants discuss their expectations and boundaries clearly so no one gets hurt down the line.

Polyamory can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience for everyone involved. It's important to remember that polyamory is not for everyone and the best way to get started is by doing what works for you. If you're interested in learning more about polyamory or getting some professional advice about this relationship style, getting guidance from a relationship counsellor at Aly’s Place may be a good place to start.

Top Relationship Issues (And How To Fix Them)

Every relationship is different, and every relationship will have its issues. But if you're in a relationship that's having trouble, it's important to be able to identify what those problems are and how to fix them. We have looked at some of the most common problems many couples face and ways to address them.

Lack of intimacy

Lack of intimacy is an issue that can be easily fixed by creating a safe environment. It might seem like this is a relationship issue, but it affects both partners equally. In other words, if your partner’s lack of intimacy is hurting you, it will also hurt them in the long run.

The good news? Having sex doesn't have to be scary or complicated. Intimacy is built on trust and communication between two people who have been together for some time. If your relationship lacks this, then it could be time for some serious soul searching before things get worse!

When addressing this issue, it’s important to communicate openly with your partner. When was the last time you spoke to your partner about your sexual needs? When were you last honest about what you wanted to do in the bedroom? If you find talking about sex a little embarrassing or difficult, you may find that seeking help from a therapist may help to open the communication channels and help you to express your needs without feeling like you’re attacking your partner.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a normal human emotion. It's something we all feel from time to time, especially when it comes to the people we care about most. Jealousy can be destructive, but it can also be a sign of an underlying problem that needs to be addressed.

If you're feeling jealous in your relationship, consider these questions:

• Is my partner being faithful? (If not, then this might be a good time for some counselling.)

• Is my partner's behaviour with other people appropriate?

Communication problems

Communication is a two-way street. If you're in a relationship, chances are that you feel like your partner isn't communicating with you. Maybe they aren't telling you how they're feeling, or maybe they don't want to talk about certain issues because of how it might make them feel.

These types of communication problems can be tricky to address because the problem isn't with their ability to communicate, but rather it's with their unwillingness to do so. That said, there are some things people can do to help improve their communication skills and have more effective conversations with their partners.

When having an important conversation, take time beforehand and think about what you want out of the conversation; what exactly are your goals? Do this even if it seems obvious (for example I want him/her to not yell at me). This way when he/she starts yelling at you about something else (which will happen), then it will be easier for them to understand why we need help solving our problems rather than just trying harder not to yell at each other next time. Your communication goal may be just to listen to your partner and not try to fix every problem that arises. Sometimes, just being there for your partner and listening to their needs is what is needed in helping to improve communication.

Abuse

Abuse is not just about physical violence. It can be verbal, emotional, or sexual. And it's important to note that abuse is never acceptable, even if the abuser has a mental illness that makes them act this way.

If you're being abused by someone with an untreated mental illness such as depression or bipolar disorder, you need to seek help from a therapist or counsellor who can guide you through this difficult time in your life and help your partner get treatment.

If you can't find ways to solve your relationship problems, counselling may be a good idea. A counsellor can help you understand each other's points of view and learn how to communicate better. They can also teach you strategies for resolving problems together. A counsellor or therapist may also help you to get the resources and assistance you need to leave the abusive relationship if you need the help.

If you’re facing any of these relationship problems, it might be time to seek professional help. A good therapist can help you find solutions that won’t involve abandoning your partner or starting over from scratch. If you don’t feel like things will ever get better on their own, it might even be worth trying couples counselling with each other—but only if both partners are willing! Remember, a relationship is a two-way street; you both need and want to be involved in resolving any underlying issues you may have. If you’re looking for a couples therapist, get in touch with Aly’s Place or get some free advice over at our Facebook group, Real Relationships.