Tips for better communication in your relationship

It doesn’t matter if you have only just started seeing someone or whether you’ve been married for 20 years, communication in your relationship is imperative. So many times, we see couple relationships break down due to poor or no communication. Some people may not want to speak up. Some may feel like they shouldn’t have to. Some, unfortunately, feel like they can’t speak up. Whatever it is you’re going through in your relationship right now, we have some key pointers to help improve communication between you and your partner that may help improve your connection and your bond together.

Talk about the little things

Does your partner always forget when to pick up the kids? Are they always dumping dirty dishes in the sink but not in the dishwasher? Does your partner leave make-up and toiletries spread out across the whole bathroom?

While it might feel like you’re nagging your partner about small, insignificant things, you might end up feeling worse over time as these seemingly harmless habits start to build up over time. Discuss any irritating things or ask them to help out with something that you feel a bit frustrated with.

One of the best ways to approach communication over things and actions you feel that your partner can improve on is by wording how you feel differently. Instead of saying “You never clean the kitchen” (which is direct and can seem quite hurtful to your partner, regardless of the truth behind it), try and re-focus it to how you feel. You might instead say “I would feel a lot better if we both work on cleaning the kitchen together” or “I love it when you clean the kitchen, I appreciate you doing it”.

Not keen on being so direct? Suggest doing these tasks together. So while you might still be cleaning up after your partner or fixing something they’ve seemingly brought upon you both, you’ll at least get a helping hand and they might enjoy it.

Use an app

There are so many apps on the market for socialising and talking that it may be a good chance to utilise one for your loving relationships to improve communication. If you took the Love Languages test from our previous post, you may have come across an app called Love Nudge. This app focuses on you and your partners’ Love Language and gives you both the chance to see what your partner would appreciate and it offers you suggestions for how to do something nice for your partner based on their love language. This will help strengthen your relationship and they will feel loved and appreciated for your efforts. Still not enough? The app also gives you the option to input how loved you feel on any given day and this notifies your partner as to how you’re feeling. This might be a good chance for them to make things right and help you to feel even more loved.

Spend time together

When was the last time you spent time together with your partner? If you answered with something along the lines of “our first date”, it’s time for you to get cracking!

If you spend time together, being in the same room while you’re both on your phones does not count, unfortunately. When we say to spend time together, we mean to go and have dinner and gaze into each other’s eyes with not a mobile phone in sight. Go for a walk and hold hands. Ask how your partners’ day was and listen to what they say. Be attentive, present and truly listen to what they say.

Listen to your partner

Whether it’s venting about their day at work or pointing at a cute animal out the window, listen to them. Take notice of the things they say and respond accordingly. Knowing that they can talk to you about even the most mundane things is going to help keep the communication channels open and they will be more receptive to talking to you about the good and the bad things.

If your partner feels you will listen to them, chances are they’re going to be more likely to come to you when something is bothering them so you can ensure you’re able to improve things between you both as it comes up.

Communication is important in any relationship. Regardless of your dynamic, whether you’re dating, married or co-parenting your children, making sure you talk things through together is always going to benefit the both of you.

A Quick Guide To The 5 Love Languages

You may or may not have heard of them before but love languages are a simple way to help strengthen your relationship with your partner. Understanding what the love languages are and how you and your partner experience them can help you to feel more connected and help to improve your relationship.

So what are the five love languages? We have a simple breakdown of what each language is and how you can feel closer to your partner.

The five love languages

First, understanding what each love language is, is a must. The five love languages are:

• Words of affirmation

• Quality time

• Physical touch

• Acts of service

• Receiving gifts

These basic needs are more important than others for some people. Depending on you and your partner, you may have varying needs and wants that fall into these categories of love languages. Some people may have a couple of love languages that are similarly sought after in the relationship and some people have quite defined love languages with only one being their top need.

Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation are all about the spoken or written word to help encourage and praise your loved one. People who have words of affirmation as their primary love language love to hear from their spouse or partner what they have done well and to feel uplifted in some way.

If your loved ones’ primary love language is words of affirmation, there are a few things you can do each day for them. It can range from a simple text message while you’re both at work to say you’re thinking of them or you can leave a secret love note for them to find. Even saying the simple words of “I love you” or “I appreciate you” can help them to feel loved and safe within the relationship. Compliments on appearance before going out or writing a post on social media about how much they mean to you can go a long way.

Quality time

Spending quality time together is important in most relationships. But for some, this can make or break a relationship if the person doesn’t feel like they get to spend enough quality time with you without interruptions or other influences. Giving them your undivided attention is what is required here. For people who have a quality time primary love language, it’s all about quality over quantity.

The next time you go out for dinner, make sure you actively listen to your partner. Make sure you don’t check your phone constantly (or at all, if possible) and help your partner to see that you want to be there with them with no other distractions. The simple task of going to bed at the same time is also helpful to those who want to spend more time with you. Other options include coordinating lunch breaks whilst at work, taking a walk together, making eye contact while talking or, even, playing video games together (without friends joining your party!).

Physical touch

Physical touch doesn’t always have to mean sex. Although, some people do find that being intimate with their partner can be important is physical touch is their primary love language. Besides sex, physical touch can mean a lot to your partner in many ways. It can be holding hands whilst in public, hugging them when you see them or even coming up with your own secret handshake. If you’re spending the night in, why not cuddle up to them on the couch whilst watching a movie? Stroking their hair and touching them when you can is important to them if this is their primary love language.

If you’re looking for a gift for your partner with this love language, you can organise a massage for them. But, it always means more if it’s done by you. Even a no-frills foot rub at home can make a difference to them and make them feel special.

Acts of service

Someone who has acts of service as their primary love language often feels loved and appreciated when their partner does nice things for them. Seeing you go out of your way to do an act of service for them will make them feel great within the relationship. When it comes to acts of service, it’s often the little things that count the most.

Making a coffee in the morning for your partner, vacuuming the home or emptying the dishwasher are good starts. Helping with errands, organising dinner, buying groceries or filing their car with petrol are all loving tasks to help make your partner feel appreciated.

Receiving gifts

If your partner likes receiving gifts as their love language, it’s not all about materialistic gifts. This love language often centres around the time and effort you have put into buying or making the said gift. If you give a gift that resonates with your partner, they will appreciate it even more.

Did your partner mention needing a jumper as the days start getting colder? Buying them a fluffy new jumper you saw on your way to work is a beautiful thought that they will love. But, it could even be as small as picking up a chocolate bar for them on the way home. Gifts for your partner don’t have to be extravagant to have meaning.

Other options include surprising them with a lunch date or remembering special occasions or events and buying something to commemorate that day. If you travel for work, returning with a small gift from the town you went to is also a great option.

Understanding what your partner needs within the relationship is a key method in improving communication, maintaining intimacy and sharing your love for each other in a new and meaningful way. You may think that buying gifts and flowers is a great way to show you care, but if all your partner wants to do is cuddle on the couch, your efforts may go astray. Talk with your partner together or with a couples counsellor to get to know each other and what your love languages and needs truly are.

Want to take a free test to see what your love language is (or your partners)? Take the test or take it together here.

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