Behind Closed Doors - FAQ around Relationships and Sexuality

Join me on a personal journey as I delve into the realm of relationships and therapy. I step into the shoes of the interviewer and the expert, offering you a glimpse into my everyday experiences as a relationship therapist. Through thought-provoking questions and personal insights, I'll explore the intricate nature of human connections, challenging common misconceptions.

Do most people say they want more sex for pleasure and closeness?

Sex has different meanings for people. It can bring immense pleasure and fulfill intense desires. However, it's not just about fun. In couples therapy, when partners feel disconnected sexually, it often indicates a more profound longing for emotional closeness. Sexual activity, in its many forms, goes beyond the traditional and helps couples reconnect, strengthen their bond, and show their exclusive connection.

Does talking too much about sex make it mechanical?

Talking about sex does not make it mechanical; it can enhance the experience. Couples who openly discuss their sexual desires and preferences tend to have more satisfying and fulfilling sex lives. By communicating and understanding each other's needs, couples can create a more exciting and intimate connection in the bedroom, similar to how discussing other important aspects of a relationship strengthens the bond between partners.

Are communication challenges a major complaint of couples presenting for counselling?

In my experience, most couples seeking counselling want better communication. They face challenges, but these are symptoms, not the main issue. The real problem is often feeling unloved, misunderstood, uncared for, or unsupported by their partner. Communication is important for addressing these problems, but it's crucial to understand that couples seek counselling because of unmet needs and desires in their relationship, not just communication difficulties.

Is a therapist a super problem solver?

Therapists are not super problem solvers who can instantly fix all your issues. Our role is to guide you through professional experience, ask the right questions, and improve communication between partners, helping you understand and address the underlying problems together. Please think of us as educated guides rather than magicians with a magic wand.

Are small everyday moments of connection bids with a spouse or partner the building blocks of a relationship?

Small everyday moments of connection, like simple gestures of love, communication, and thoughtfulness, are the essential building blocks of a strong and nurturing relationship. These little acts, such as saying "I love you," sending a sweet message, or preparing a favourite meal, may not require much effort or cost. Still, when done consistently, they create a solid foundation of closeness and intimacy, allowing more significant gestures to be even more meaningful and cherished.

Do most people never feel anxious when it comes to intimacy?

Intimacy can make us anxious. It's a deep and vulnerable experience affected by societal and personal expectations. Common worries include sexual performance and appearance. Talking openly with your partner and seeking reassurance can help. Taking small steps, like leaving a light on during intimacy, can also reduce anxiety. If it becomes too much, seeking professional help is an option.

Is it crucial for couples to be friends and lovers for the longevity of their relationship?

In most cases, couples desire to be both friends and lovers. This is important because friendship in a romantic relationship provides emotional support and reciprocity. When one aspect is missing, it can impact the other. However, some couples prioritise starting a family together over friendship, and not all relationships are focused on sexual intimacy. Still, most couples aim to be lovers and friends, seeking emotional support and availability from their partners.

Do couples counsellors have ideal intimate relationships with their spouses?

Couples counsellors, including myself, don't necessarily have ideal intimate relationships with their spouses. We strive for good enough relationships where satisfaction is prioritised over perfection. Living with a counsellor can be challenging for our spouses, as we may unintentionally analyse or therapise conversations. However, understanding relationship dynamics and skills can help us de-escalate situations, adjust conversations, and remember to prioritise small acts of love. We aim for a relationship with respect and care, not perfection, and encourage couples to nurture their own "lawn" rather than seeking greener grass elsewhere.

In this article, I delved into the importance of emotional closeness in sexual connection, the power of open communication, and the significance of small everyday moments. Remember, therapists aren't magic problem solvers but compassionate guides who help you navigate the complexities of your relationship. Ultimately, the friendship, respect, and care we cultivate lay the foundation for a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

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From Trauma to Resolution: The Role of Family Lawyers

I interview Annette Lakey, a passionate family lawyer specialising in dispute resolution and negotiation. With over 20 years of experience, Annette understands the pain and trauma that often accompanies family law matters, and she is dedicated to guiding people through the legal complexities, ensuring the best possible outcome with efficiency and compassion. Read further as we delve into Annette's invaluable expertise and her mission to help families find resolution and move forward.

How Annette Became a Family Lawyer, Her Practice, and Her Clients

Annette became a family lawyer after exploring different options following her law degree. She found a natural fit in family law due to its mix of various legal areas and the opportunity to work with people facing real problems. Annette's practice primarily involves assisting separating couples, including those with children, property disputes, and even disputes over pets, offering support and guidance throughout the process. She aims to manage expectations, provide solutions, and help her clients navigate the complexities of family law with empathy and expertise.

Understanding the Legal Profession

The legal profession encompasses different roles: principals, solicitors, and barristers. The principals are the leading partners in law firms, the solicitors are staff lawyers, and the barristers specialise in court arguments. While barristers are hired for complex cases and possess expertise in litigation and cross-examination, solicitors handle more straightforward matters. As a family lawyer, Annette prefers to represent clients outside the courtroom, engaging a barrister only when necessary for intricate issues, as this approach helps avoid the high costs associated with court proceedings.

Explaining Family Law in Simple Terms

In simple terms, a family lawyer helps mummies and daddies who are no longer living together to stay happy and get along as friends, especially for the sake of their kids. They assist in fairly dividing assets like the house, ensuring a positive future for everyone involved, even if living together is no longer an option. The lawyer offers realistic solutions, helping parents understand that keeping the house may not always be ideal and presenting alternative routes to achieve freedom and happiness.

When to Seek a Family Lawyer and What to Expect

If a couple has no assets or children, seeking a family lawyer is usually unnecessary, as divorce can be done online. But if there are significant assets or future expectations, like an inheritance, it's wise to consult a lawyer for a property settlement. It's important to get initial advice from a family lawyer to understand the situation and cost estimates, and finding a lawyer who offers a free consultation can be beneficial. In emergencies, the main lawyer is always available, but a group of solicitors is also ready to address the matter.

Stamp Duty Concession and Considerations When Contacting a Family Lawyer

When transferring properties during a settlement, a stamp duty concession is available, saving you significantly on costs. Keeping the family home offers advantages like avoiding relocation expenses and not having to pay stamp duty when buying another property. Consult a family lawyer to understand your specific situation and consider recommendations and a lawyer who listens to your needs and provides a reasonable cost estimate when choosing the right one for your case.

Deciding on a family lawyer can feel overwhelming. Still, it's crucial to find someone who truly understands your needs to assess your situation and supports you through the legal proceedings with compassion. A family lawyer, Annette prefers representing clients outside the courtroom, collaborating with barristers only when necessary for complex matters. When seeking a family lawyer, it's essential to consult with someone who genuinely listens, provides cost estimates, and can explain the specific considerations and advantages, such as stamp duty concessions, that may apply to your situation.

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All Things About Wills And Estate Planning You Never Want To Know

I recently had the privilege of interviewing Rohani Bixler, an experienced lawyer and Principal at Sage, specialising in Wills, Trusts, and Estates. With over a decade of practical experience and a background in psychology, Rohani brings a unique blend of expertise and interpersonal skills to estate planning. Keep reading as we dive deeper into the world of wills and estate planning.

Rohani's Journey as a Wills and Estate Lawyer

Rohani is a wills and estate lawyer who helps people plan what happens to their belongings and loved ones after they pass away. She ensures that their family, including children and pets, are cared for and helps them secure their assets for the future. Rohani has been practising this area of law for 17 years, finding joy in the diversity of people she works with and the problem-solving aspect of her job. She values the personal connections she forms with clients and finds fulfilment in guiding them through happy moments, like creating wills, and challenging times, such as estate litigation.

Understanding the Significance and Complexity of Wills

Understanding the significance and complexity of wills is crucial as it goes beyond the person who is passing. It allows individuals to have their final say and leave a meaningful legacy. Periodically updating wills is important, considering changes in relationships or family dynamics, to ensure the desired distribution of assets. Seeking legal advice for wills is essential to navigating the complexities, such as the impact of divorce, blended families, tax implications, and structuring assets to minimise disputes and provide for loved ones effectively.

While writing a will might seem simple, the expertise and guidance of a lawyer are invaluable in exploring options, understanding implications, and avoiding misconceptions that could lead to costly legal challenges in the future.

The Importance of Having a Will Through Real-Life Stories

Real-life stories highlight the importance of having a will. For example, a woman who went through a difficult divorce and fought for custody of her children may neglect to make a will, assuming she won't die because she needs to be there for her kids. However, suppose she passes away without a will. In that case, her ex-partner may gain control of her estate, including decisions about her burial, the children's finances, and the fate of her assets.

Another scenario involves a person in a de facto relationship whose partner's parents took control after his passing, ignoring the partner's wishes for cremation. If there's no will specifying an executor or decision-maker, ensuring the deceased's intentions are honoured becomes challenging. Therefore, having a will is crucial to avoid such legal consequences and ensure that assets are distributed according to the person's wishes.

Encouraging Your Partner to Discuss Wills and Estate Planning

When discussing wills and estate planning with your partner, it's important to ensure it is done correctly to provide security. Updating your will as circumstances change is essential. Initiating this conversation can be challenging, especially if your partner is reluctant. Finding the right approach, such as emphasising trust, peace of mind, and the potential difficulties that may arise without a will, can encourage your partner to consider estate planning, ultimately saving money and ensuring a smoother process.

A will is important as it safeguards individuals' wishes and prevents potential legal consequences. In addition, it is crucial to comprehend the complexity of wills, as they provide a final say and a meaningful legacy. Regularly updating wills is essential to accommodate relationship changes and ensure desired asset distribution. Seeking legal advice for wills is invaluable, considering factors like divorce, blended families, taxes, and asset structuring. When discussing wills with a partner, approaching the conversation with trust, peace of mind, and avoiding future difficulties can encourage estate planning and ensure a smoother process.

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