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How to talk about sex with your partner

You and your partner are in a happy and healthy relationship. You love each other, you're sexually attracted to one another, and you enjoy spending time together. So why do so many people find the topic of sex so awkward? The truth is that there's no need for it to be awkward—communication around sex can be simple if both parties are willing to put in some effort.

Don't wait for the perfect moment to bring it up.

Talk about sex with your partner. It might seem intimidating, but it's actually not that hard. Soften the mood by turning off the lights, making sure you're both relaxed and sober (no alcohol), and keep in mind that there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking this path!

If you're still feeling nervous about bringing up the topic for whatever reason—whether because of your inexperience or because of what other people have told you—you can always start slow by talking about it in general terms first. You don't need to jump into specifics right away; just get used to being comfortable having conversations about sex together so that when one day comes when things heat up between you two, it won't feel foreign or uncomfortable anymore.

Prepare a little before you start the conversation.

Before starting, make sure you're in a good mood and that you've thought about what you want to say and how you want to say it. If necessary, write down some points you want to make so that the conversation is more organised. Get together any information about STIs or birth control that might be helpful for your partner and have it available during the conversation (if it's already on hand).

Think about how your partner may respond, too—especially if they are not open-minded or supportive of sex positivity. You might even come up with some responses ahead of time or have a pre-written letter for them that explains why this is something important for both of you as partners in an intimate relationship.

Pick the right time.

The time of day you choose to talk about sex should be when both you and your partner are not distracted or tired. You also need a little privacy, so if you’re in an apartment building, or dorm room or share your home with others, plan ahead of time where the best place to have this conversation is going to be.

Think about what kind of moods each person will be in at this time too—is one feeling more on edge than they usually are? Pick a date night or just ask them how their day went before asking about any potential problems within the bedroom (if there are any).



Try not to get defensive.

Don't take it personally. It's OK to get defensive, but you should remember that the other person isn't attacking you—they're just sharing their thoughts and opinions.

Don't try to change their mind. If there are things that bother you about your partner's suggestions, bring them up in a calm manner so you can talk about them later on (if at all).

Don't try to convince each other that one of you is right or wrong. This kind of back-and-forth can go on forever, but it doesn't serve any purpose except for causing frustration and souring the mood between partners who were getting along fine before they started discussing sex!

Set aside enough time.

The first step to talking about sex with your partner is setting aside enough time for the conversation. This can be a lot of work, but it's worth it: you want to make sure that you're not trying to talk about sex when there are other people around or while someone is waiting in line behind you at the grocery store. If there are distractions in your environment, they could cause you and your partner to miss important points or get distracted by something else entirely.

If possible, try setting up an appointment with each other so no one feels rushed or pressured into having this conversation at an inconvenient time for them. If this isn't possible for whatever reason—for example, because both of you work full-time and varying hours —then try scheduling it at night when both parties are most relaxed (or even during the weekend if neither of the two partners works on weekends).

Another option is handling communication digitally instead of physically; if this sounds more appealing to either person involved in this discussion then consider using text messaging apps like Facebook Messenger instead of calling each other on phones directly!

Don't try to make it a one-time conversation.

You shouldn’t try to make this a one-time conversation. Don’t be afraid to bring it up again if the first time doesn’t go well, and don't be afraid to say the same thing over and over again until you feel heard. It might take a while for your partner to get used to hearing what you have to say; just keep at it until they do!

Be willing to compromise.

Compromise is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, and it's even more important when you're discussing sex. You have to be willing to give a little so your partner can have what he or she wants, too.

However, that doesn't mean you should let yourself get taken advantage of—in other words, don't let him or her walk all over you just because they want something. Also, it's not always a good idea to give up everything in order to keep the peace and make sure your partner is happy all the time; if things aren't working out between the two of you and compromise isn't doing much good anymore, then maybe it's time for both parties to start looking elsewhere for their sexual fix!

Being clear and honest about what you want will help keep your intimate relationship strong and healthy

Be careful not to think that this means you should tell your partner everything you are thinking, though. It's easy to assume that being open with each other is always going to make things better, but in some situations, it might not be a good idea. Asking for help from professionals who can guide the conversation could be more productive than trying to have an open discussion when emotions run high.


Hopefully, we have given you some helpful tips for how to talk about sex with your partner. We know it can be awkward and even scary at first, but don’t worry—if you keep at it and practice these steps over time, it will get easier. And remember that even if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly well the first time around, just keep experimenting until you find the right method that works best for both of you!


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